I was sitting at home one evening. Stressing about lots of stuff, am I good enough basically hahah. I’ve been trying to fumble my way through what it is i want my photos to say…so on impulse…I booked a one on one mentoring session with one my fav photographers down in Spokane. Laurken kendall. Now to be clear, the decision to do it was easy….but I stressed after I hit send hahaha. time to get off that bench
When my photography really started rolling I had just had my first baby in 2012 – and anyone that has had kids know what a complete mind f**k it is on you. YES you are in love with this little being more than you’ve ever really loved anything else…but at least for me I also lost a bit of my self when I took on that roll as mom. (and really I am only realizing this now, looking back ) flash forward – 6 moves, one out of city for 2 years, 2 more kids in the span of basically 3 years, one house reno ( that is still going)..and running my business ( Yup obviously I kept working, one because this isn’t a hobby people, momma needs to work to put these kids through college. )
Short of the long – I lost myself. And only in the last couple years have I started to find myself again ….which has also lead me down this whole other path with my photography. I never want to get comfortable with my photography, not sure I’d love it as much if i did the same thing over and over. Its exciting to push myself and try new things ( thank you to all you amazing clients who trust me :)), all the while, I am starting I’ve start to learn what I want to say in my photos….and its not perfection. It’s been hard to deconstruct myself, to try to not get that PERFECT shot in my head, that for so long I thought I wanted. Instead I am LOVINNNNG the untamed excitement and the wild moments, that I can create with my clients. Finally, truly discovering what makes my creative mind happy…and its not just hitting that shutter to freeze something.
For me Life isn’t perfect. My life is mess. And since my work is a reflection of who I am… i want to show a compilation of the mess – outtakes, the blur, the realness of the laugh and the tenderness of his/her touch. Sometimes I’ve wondered why I never got into videography, mostly because I see images more in movements than in a single frame. I see the starting point and I move through to the ending more – kind of like a script…its not just that ONE PERFECT IMAGE, its the story. I love when I can freeze those moments, and they don’t look frozen….does that make sense….haha its late so unlikely anways, I love the mess of life
I am still crafting and and forming my voice – bare with me …